Winging it.

This, will not last forever.

I know for sure that at some point, not only will William not want to kiss his 'little' brother, "Squeaky," he won't want to kiss me either. I'm fully prepared to drop him off a block away from school, but I don't think I'm ready to no longer hear "Daddy!" screamed at the top of his lungs when he hears me walk through our front gate.

Ever.

I can't believe that I'm about to quote an Oprah Show, this will no doubt please my wife and give my 'CFO' at work more fodder, but here it goes... I remember seeing one about your body language when you come home. What's the first thing your kids see when you walk through that door?

It just stuck with me.

I try to remember that when I'm pulling up to our home. It's even harder when it's that 30 minutes before the guests arrive and you're trying to check things off of your list and make sure that you still have 5 minutes, no 2 minutes to shower, and is your face too scratchy cause you might need to shave too, so make that 1 minute.

I'm getting all flustered just typing that! I always say that the secret to a great dinner party is to have the drinks ready to go before the guests arrive, and if they happen to enjoy one and a half or three before the first course rolls out, they're gonna L O V E everything you're servin' up!

We're heading back to Tucson in a week and a half and I'm cooking for an open house at my mother in law's and I was thinking Chicken Wings might be fun! I think that nothing beats the original Buffalo Wing, but you know me... you gotta try something different right?

Coat 3 lbs of chicken wings with a jar of Harissa. Bag 'em and throw it in your fridge overnight. The next day take 4 Shallots, a tsp of chinese 5 spice, a tbsp paprika, 2 tbsps olive oil, 1tsp fresh rosemary, 1 tsp sugar and 1tsp salt and blend it until smooth. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Remove the wings from your fridge, and add the paste to your bag. Smush it all up until the wings are well coated. I line a half sheet with tin foil and place an oiled rack on top of the foil and the wings on top of that, but you could just bake e in a brownie dish if you wanted to keep the fuss to a minium.

Bake those wings until they're done and you could make a peanut dipping sauce for 'em if you wanted to...

If anyone has a recipe for making those kisses last a little longer, I'm open to suggestions.

Do it for the Halibut.

Cinco De Mayo, sometimes mistakenly translated as "a fifth of Mayonnaise," is often more about the beer or margaritas than it is about the food. Which makes me sad.

On the inside.

On the outside I'm probably the one yelling, "We should totally go camping, like, right now, but only after we collect some firewood and kindling... To the trees!" Tequila does this to me. Tequila has also provided me with many many many stories, which I usually end up telling in lengthy detail when I'm drinking tequila. My Spanish also improves tenfold, but still, I try to avoid tequila when at all possible.

I managed to avoid it altogether this Cinco De Mayo, so you can close up this window if you're waiting to hear all about the room made up entirely of empty mountain dew cans, losing my keys camping, or how Sharpies and passing out don't mix--I guess now you'd call it posting videos up on Facebook? You could chronicle the night's events on your best friend's arms as you dragged him from bar to bar. My friends and I set our alarm for the next morning just so we could see his face when he saw his face after he woke-up.

Priceless and only semi-permanent. What's not to like?

SO this year, after securing the Patron and Sharpies and moving them to an undisclosed location, I set about the task of making some great food to celebrate the return of a good friend. The menu was pretty simple grilled fish tacos with mango salsa, and shredded cabbage:


Okay.

And beer too. It is extremely difficult to grill without a beer unless you have a thermometer. Not only does the beer help cleanse your palate of all the smoke, it also records the passage of time, all while tasting far better than any egg timer could possibly dream of. True, it significantly lacks the ability to "ding!", but that's what "Cheers!" is for.

Armed with my handy dandy grill timer in one hand and spatula in the other, I grilled this huge piece of Alaskan Halibut, and finished it with a cilantro-lime butter.
Flavored butters can be as easy as you want them to be, and also add a great amount flavor if you don't have the time or desire to do a rub, marinade, or sauce. Here, you simply add one cube frozen garlic, two cubes frozen cilantro, the juice of half a lime, some salt, pepper, and but of course, a half a stick of softened butter. I like to use unsalted.

Who knew I could be a control freak, right?

Right. Which is why I went ahead and busted out the higher end butter for our friend as pictured here to the right. "Same, Same, but Different" Cilantro Herb Butter:
Soften half a stick of unsalted butter, zest one lime, mince a handful of fresh cilantro, on that same zester goes a half a clove of garlic, a small pinch of cumin, a small squeeze of lime juice, salt and pepper to taste. You could double this recipe and have enough butter to finish steamed rice with the following night.

Once the Halibut was just about done, I removed it from the grill, topped it with a hefty amount of butter and tented it with foil,to allow the fish to finish cooking and absorb some of the yummy goodness.

Next came the Mango Salsa. It didn't taste nearly as washed out as it appears. You'll just have to trust me on that one.
The ingredients are all pretty much in the first picture of the post. I really can't think of anything I love making more than salsa. For me, they each have their own personality, and you never know when that jalapeno is going to be super angry, or just mildly put off. Which is why you have to take a bite of the jalapeno my friends. Sometimes you get burned, but it's a sure fire way to tell if the heat is right or not. Dice one Mango, a quarter red onion, one jalapeno, slice 4 scallions, mince a handful of cilantro, squeeze one lime, and add salt and pepper the salsa. That's if the Jalapeno was hot, if it's mild, taste the other one, and use two if need be.


William loved this salsa because he abscounded with the mango pit. The meal was great, the conversation was better, and the amount of wipes it took to clean the mango juice up and get it off of his trains was flat out criminal.

Winner, Winner, Rubber Chicken Dinner?

Maybe you just screamed, "Blackjack!" Maybe you're waiting for the Monty Python Knight to come hit me over the head. Okay, maybe not.

Rubber chickens are like veggie bacon, they gross me out.

There. I did it, I said it. Can someone please clue me in on the whole fake meat thing? I kinda get it, I mean I eat rice flour pasta. That's kinda like fakey fakey pasta, but if you look at the ingredient deck they're fairly similar: Rice Flour, Water vs Wheat Flour, Water. So how does veggie bacon stack up? You're gonna have to trust me on this one: thirty-seven ingredients for Veggie Bacon vs five for this little piggy clogged my heart bacon...

There's no judgment here, just me, as usual, looking a bit confused. Why would someone who doesn't eat meat, want to eat something that's a) manufactured and b) designed to look like meat? It can't be for health reasons, look at all of those ingredients. Yes, quite a few are vitamins and egg whites, but others are artificial colors, and let's face it, hard to pronounce.

Isn't this kind of like getting a blow-up doll fashioned after an Ex?

What.

It is isn't it?

That Monty Python Knight is standing right behind me... I can feel it.

So, here's the deal, I'm not trained in the ways of the Veganista, so I'm not sure what rules can and can't be broken. It is my hope that this is a truly vegan chili, one that came out my desire to use up some "not so desirable, but not quite ready to compost" veggies. You know the type.

You'll need to go shopping and ask for things in Spanish. You could also order them at Penzeys.com, but that's not as fun as mouthing Guajillo in your rear view mirror as you navigate your way to the nearest Latin market. The dried peppers will be fresher there (oxymoronic, I know.) I guess you could start with a local market, but only if you live in the barrio.

Alvarado's throw everything in one pot wonder.*

The variety of dried chile peppers really make the dish, and if you can make tea, you can make this dish. If you have a blender.

1 medium yellow onion diced
1 large carrot diced
2 tbsp white corn meal
Canola Oil
3 Chile De Arbol
3 Chile Mulato
2 Chile Guajillo
2 bunches scallions
3 large zucchini
3 large yellow summer squash
2 gargantuan red bell peppers
2 cloves garlic minced
14oz or so can of sweet corn (drained)
27oz (or less if you like) canned diced mild anaheim peppers (drained)
32oz (or more) canned white hominy (drained and rinsed)
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp veggie base (Better Than Bouillon-Whole Foods-is it vegan?)
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp ground coriander
2 quarts hot water (divided evenly)
Salt and Pepper
Toppings for your chili

So start with getting the water hot, grab your Guajillo and Mulato peppers and put them in a bowl, cover them with a quart of hot water and cover with plastic wrap. You might want to rotate/flip the peppers after 10 minutes or so to make sure they are fully hydrated. Once they are nice and soft, remove the peppers and hang on to that water. Remove the stems and seeds, and blend them with about a half a cup of the water. Leave them in the blender, even if your loved one wants you to clean it out immediately after use so it doesn't sit for a week "soaking."

If you have a grill or gas stove, roast your red bell peppers whole, throw those in yet another bowl when they're done and cover them with plastic wrap too. If you don't have a gas stove or grill, add them to the roasted squash. Halve your zucchini and squash and then cut them into 1/2" to 3/4" pieces. Grab one bunch of scallions, cut off the roots, and cut them into 1/2" pieces as well. Put these on a sheet pan, toss in canola oil, add a little salt and pepper and roast at 425 for 15-20 minutes or until roasted. You're looking to get a good color on them, they won't be cooked through.

Get your wonder pot out and over medium heat, add some canola oil. Dice your yellow onion, and carrot, throw those in the pot with the three Chile de Arbols (whole.) Saute until the onions are almost cooked through. Remove the Chile de Arbols, pop off the stems, and add them to the blender. Quickly. Go back to that pot and add the garlic to the pot along with the green chile, corn meal, and vegetable base. Continue to cook for another 3 minutes or so and add a quart of hot water. Reduce heat to a simmer and add in the hominy, tomato paste, oregano, cumin, and coriander.

Peel your red bell peppers and dice them to 1/2" to 3/4". Add the roasted squash and scallions, bell peppers, and canned corn to the pot. Go back to your blender and puree those Chile de Arbols into the others. You can add a "See, I told you I wasn't done with this!" here if you want to. You can also add a pour or two of more "pepper" water if it's too thick. Think ketchup consistency. Once you're there, add about half of the puree to the pot, stir and taste for heat. A little dab will do ya. I ended up using all of the puree, but you might not want yours that strong. Don't worry about the bitterness yet, the sweetness of the corn, peppers and carrots will help balance that out once it's in the chili. If you must, you could add agave or more tomato paste, but I really don't think you'll need to.

Chop up the other bunch of scallions, grate your favorite soy cheese, maybe some cilantro and diced white onion, and get ready to eat a hearty vegan dish with no fake meat! Yeah yeah yeah, a vegan dish with twenty-seven or so ingredients (more if count subs :P) but NO FAKE MEAT!

Now, go eat a bowl of chili after you wash out that blender. Go.

Wash it now.

http://www.penzeys.com if you don't want to shop at Super A or Vallarta.
http://www.foodsubs.com/Chiledry.html if you need to substitute peppers.

* "One pot wonder" in no way shape or form means that you will only need to clean only one thing for the evening. Sorry to disappoint.

Hey Tax Man!

Due diligence pays.

Out the whazoo.

We decided to get our taxes done early this year (more than a week ahead of the 15th is early,) and ended up getting $50 some odd dollars back from the Fed and owing $600 something to California. The exact figure escapes me....

I go numb from head to toe as I hand our accountant the debit card. My mouth is dry. Tack on another $150 for his services to that figure... I'm itchy. What was that figure again? His mouth is moving---Do I need audit protection? Do I? Is it just me or is it itchy in here? Did he just say audit protection?

It was hard to tell if it was a lump in my throat or if I was stabbing myself with my wallet, whatever it was, it felt like poker night all over again.

6s-10s-8h on the flop, I have the 8 and 9 of spades. Checks all around, I check. 8 of clubs on the turn... checks all around, I bet. I bet big. I have mid trips and am on a straight, flush, four of a kind, straight flush draw. I beat a high pocket pair, two pair, would lose to a higher straight or flush.... I get raised. By my boss. I put the rest of my chips in. He calls.

Pocket 10s.

Two cards and two cards only can save me.

Those same two cards were nowhere to be found in the accountant's office as well.

So you pick yourself up. You want to call a time-out, a quick 20, hell you'd take a knee if you could, but you don't. You say, "Thank you." A "thank you" with this open ended pause that carries an inaudible yet oh so painful "for the spanking."

Times like these call for one thing and one thing only...

Mac 'n' Cheese.

Substitute regular flour and wheat pasta if you'd like, I don't eat either.

1lb dry Brown Rice Penne (TJ's)
2tbsp rice flour (I use sweet rice, fine grind)
1 large shallot diced
3 tbsp butter (6 if you want it "Schnobrich Style")
2 cups milk
2 tbsp warm water
2 pinches saffron
8oz Havarti cheese cut into small cubes
8oz Cheddar shredded
4-8oz of any other cheese you might wanna throw in for good measure
1/2 tsp or so of smoked paprika
1tbsp salt (for boiling)
Salt
Pepper

Take those 2 tbsp of warm water and add the two pinches saffron to it. Like now would be a good time. Do it before you even think about making/reading this recipe.

Boil up some water over medium high heat, you'll need at least a 4qt sauce pan. When that comes to a boil, add the pasta, tbsp of salt and crank the heat up the rest of the way. Cooking directions vary here... If you are going to bake this Mac N Cheese, leave the pasta under cooked, if you are going to eat this right away, cook them all the way through. If you lost big, you could throw some extra saffron into the pasta water for further punishment/self-loathing.

Melt the butter in a saute pan, add the shallots, and continue to cook until translucent. Add the rice flour and cook for 3-4 minutes. Pour in the saffron water, and don't sweat the pieces that will stick to the side of the ramekin, there is work to be done. Immediately reach for the milk and add just enough to make a loose sauce, bring that up to temp, and more milk, bring it back up to temp, add the rest of the milk with the cubed Havarti, and kill the heat. Once you have all of that, you should look over at that pasta you forgot all about. Rinse the pasta in the strainer with some hot water. If you're using wheat pasta, skip that step. Good thing you read ahead, right?

Mix the cooked pasta, the sauce, any of those threads of saffron that stuck to the side of your ramekin, and the shredded cheddar (maybe some fontina too) into a baking dish. Sneak a bite. Tell your loved ones it's to test for seasoning. Take another bite, because that's some good advice and add salt and pepper if you'd like and top with the smoked paprika. Bake @ 350 until bubbly, or eat right away.

Serrano Ham is super tasty. It would be even tastier bathing in this dish, lower the salt if you add this to the dish. Lobster would do fine here as well.

No 8 of diamonds or 7 of Spades needed.